Ruth's story
by aims80
Summary: What happened to Ruth after the "Titanic" disaster? Please R&R.
1. Prologue

[A/N. The idea for this story has been in the back of my head for awhile, but I was reluctant to start it considering I was already working on a few different stories, but two of them are nearly finished and the idea came back to me again today. It was when I was writing "Eliza's Story" that I got the idea, and then when watching "Titanic" the other week that the idea began to form properly. I was watching the bit where the ship sinks and Ruth is sitting in the boat watching it silently, having just lost her daughter there. What was she thinking? What was she feeling? This story is basically "Ruth's story." It will begin after the ship sinks, but I thought I'd put in this prologue first to perhaps explain some things, and help you get to know Ruth.]

****

Ruth's Story. 

Prologue:

Ruth stood silently, her head leaning against the cold windowpane as she stared out at the London street. Below her life went on as if she had not just lost the one person she cared about more than anything in this world. She smiled slightly as she saw two children rush after a motor car screaming with excitement, and then suddenly her breath caught in her throat, and her hand went to her mouth. Striding down the street, dressed immaculately in a suit and hat, was the spitting image of Mathew. And then Ruth sighed and quickly sat down in the closest chair trying to catch her breath. It wasn't the first time this had happened since her husband had passed away, and she doubted it would be the last either. She thought back to the funeral:

__

"Ruth," Mrs. Hamilton, their neighbor and closest friend, had said taking her hand firmly in her own. "My darling. I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss. And young Rose." Mrs. Hamilton wasn't the only one there- the funeral had attracted most of London's society, something Ruth secretly wished hadn't happened. Her pain was obvious enough, and she didn't want to be with all these people who didn't even really care about Mathew anyway. 

Ruth hadn't known what to reply, so she'd simply nodded. Her voice would have choked anyway. Ever since the police had come knocking on her door to tell her of the accident she had been barely able to speak. Telling her daughter Rose had been the worst of all. Whilst Rose was not exactly close to either of her parents it was still hard for Ruth to tell her she no longer had a father. Surprisingly Rose had listened to it all and then gone to her room. When she had emerged a few hours later she was pale faced, but entirely calm. 

"Mother," Rose had come up to her. "We're to go inside now."

Ruth had allowed herself to be led inside by her seventeen-year-old daughter as though their roles were reversed. The ceremony itself seemed to go on forever, and if anyone had asked Ruth afterwards what had been said she would have not had a clue. Beside her Rose had sat, silent and resolute.

After the funeral they had been expected to receive mourners but Ruth had pleaded sickness- the last thing she needed was to see and speak to people, all of whom would tell her how wonderful Mathewl had been, and what a loss it was. 

Ruth sighed again, and blotted the last line on the letter she had been writing covering the final sale of almost everything she owned before she had stood up and walked over to the window. Then she read it over again, wondering whether it was worded right, and whether it sounded business like enough. All her life someone had been looking after those kind of things- first her father, and then her husband. And now he was gone, leaving only her and Rose. She remembered the day she'd found out the money was gone. It was only a week after Mathew's funeral: 

__

"Mrs. Dewitt Buckater, there's a man here to see you. Says he's from the bank. Speaks pretty posh an' all so he's probably tellin' the truth." The cockney girl had said, knocking briefly on the door of the sitting room where Ruth was sitting going over letters from friends and family which were mostly condolence letters. "I wasn't sure whether to let him in or not since you're not really receiving people at the moment."

"Then he probably is." Ruth said, looking up from the letter. "Show him in- and Emma?"

"Yes miss?" Emma paused in the doorway. 

"You've got smudges of dirt all over your pinny. Perhaps you could put a clean one on?" Ruth suggested. "After all your appearance reflects upon us too."

"Yes Miss. I'll do it directly." Emma curtsied briefly, the London servants were a breed of their own, and left the room. 

"Mrs. Dewitt Buckater?" A smooth voice asked from the doorway. 

Ruth turned around. "Yes? And you are?"

"My name's Nelson. Nelson Simmonds? Perhaps you heard your husband mention me- I look after his affairs at the bank." The man said, and he hurried to extend a hand to Ruth.

She took it and shook it briefly. "No, my husband and I didn't talk about that kind of thing. I suppose he thought it wasn't the sort of thing a woman should be bothered with?" She sat back down in the chair she'd recently vacated. "Do take a seat Mr. Simmonds."

He sat down, perching on the edge of the seat, and looked around the room. "You have a nice house Mrs. Dewitt Buckater." He said formally.

"Thank you." Ruth replied equally as formally. A glance at the clock told her it was almost four- Rose would be back soon, and she wanted to have this over and done with before her daughter returned. No doubt Emma would tell her that someone from the bank was here and Rose would fret over what it meant. If only that blasted woman next door hadn't put the idea into Rose's head that without Mathew around they'd be poor. Rose had actually asked Ruth whether they'd end up in the workhouse and Ruth had laughed. "A Dewitt Buckater in the workhouse. My darling Rose, that's the last thing that would ever happen- not in a million years!"

"I know for a fact that it's worth quite a lot." Mr. Simmonds had commented, and Ruth had narrowed her eyes at him.

"If you'll excuse me Mr. Simmonds but I have rather a lot to do. With my husband's death and all….." She trailed off. 

"I am sorry Mrs. Dewitt Buckater, I shall get straight to the point." The man said quickly. "I don't know whether or not you know this, but your husband has made quite a few bad investments lately, and in fact was in quite a lot of debt before his death."

"Debt?" Ruth repeated her heart racing. 

"It seems Mr. Dewitt Buckater was into gambling in rather a large way. And unfortunately Mrs. Dewitt Buckater, he wasn't exactly the best poker player around." Mr. Simmonds said.

Ruth was still feeling sick. "How much debt?" She asked wondering what on earth she would pick to sell first- maybe some of the paintings?

"A lot." Mr. Simmonds said. "The truth is, Mrs. Dewitt Buckater, you have nothing."

"Mother?" Rose's voice interrupted Ruth's reverie and she hurried to cover the letter before her daughter came into the room. It wasn't that Rose didn't know they were selling everything and leaving, but Ruth didn't want to make it any harder than it already was for her. Rose burst into the room, her red hair a mess, and her cheeks bright with happiness. "Oh mother, I've had the best day ever." She claimed dropping into another seat.

"Rose, sit up straight." Ruth said automatically, and Rose rolled her eyes, but obeyed. "What's so exciting?"

"Alexandra and I were in the park on our last outing and we met the most handsomest men- soldiers Mother- and they invited us to-"

"ROSE!" Ruth interrupted. "Have you no decency? You're an engaged woman!"

Rose's smile faded and she was silent a moment. "An engaged woman." She spat out. "If it weren't for you Mother I'd be the same as every other girl my age, as all my friends, and-"

"-And you'd be broke." Ruth snapped. "Do you want to end up in the workhouse?"

Rose sighed and bit her lip. "It's just not fair mother." She muttered.

Ruth felt sorry for her of course, but it wasn't the time, nor the place, to show this. "Life isn't always fair Rose. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's just as well you're learning it sooner rather than later."

Rose stood up. "I've got to finish some last minute packing." She said coldly, and she left the room.

Ruth put her head in her hands. What she had said only a few moments ago was more than true- life was not fair. Had life been fair Mathewl would still be alive, and even if he were not they would still have all their money and not have to resort to what they had to resort. A strange look crossed her face as she remembered when she'd solved the problem:

__

"Mrs. Dewitt Buckater." The tall, dark man had bowed before her. "I am delighted you agreed to see me. I assumed you might not wish to receive visitors still being in mourning and all."

Ruth had smiled slightly. "As much as I would like to spend my time alone there are things I've got to see to." Her thoughts immediately returned to the bank's terrible news only a few weeks before. 

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here Mrs. Dewitt Buckater." The man said. "My name is Nathan Hockley- perhaps you have heard of me?"

Ruth nodded. The Hockleys were one of the wealthier families in America. 

"I have been speaking to a friend of mine from the bank, a Mr. Simmonds, and even though this is against regulations, he has confided in me about your current predicament."

Ruth felt her face turn red. 

"I must admit I was shocked. After all the Dewitt Buckaters are one of the most respected families in England- almost like us back in America. And I got to thinking about what I could do to help you." 

"Help us?" Ruth burst out before she could help herself. As yet none of her friends and society knew of the problems she was having, although she knew perfectly that there would come a time when everyone would know. 

"I met your daughter Rose a few months back with your husband. She is one of the loveliest young women I have ever seen." Mr. Hockley said.

Ruth nodded, slightly proudly. She knew perfectly well Rose was a beauty. 

"I have a son, Mrs. Dewitt Buckater, Caledon. Granted he is a few years older than your daughter, but he is a good looking man who will one day come into a lot of money. My only concern is that he is never going to settle down. He prefers to simply have fun, and I want him to get married. My proposal Mrs. Dewitt Buckater is that my son and your daughter marry. I know it may seem as though it is coming out of the blue, but think about it. Both you and Rose would be looked after and live in the luxury you are used to. My family would benefit from the marriage also, having Cal marrying a well known name in England. I am going back to America soon, but Caledon is remaining in England for some time. Think about it Mrs. Dewitt Buckater."

"Mrs. Dewitt Buckater?" Lucy, the only maid left in the family house, was at the door. "I think you might want to go and see Rose- she seems pretty upset. Maybe she's concerned about leaving tomorrow and going so far away?"

Ruth nodded at her and hurried up to her daughter's room. Many of their things had already been sold, and the letter she had been writing earlier had verified the last of it. 

"Rose?" She knocked on the door, but there was no response, so she opened it anyway.

Rose was lying across the bed, tears streaming down her face. 

"Rose." Ruth said slowly, and she went to sit next to her daughter. "Please stop crying. It's not as bad as you think."

"Isn't it mother?" Rose demanded. "I'm going to marry someone I don't even know- I don't even know if I love him."

Ruth was shocked. "I thought you said he was a handsome and nice man."

"Handsome and nice yes." Rose replied. "But mother that doesn't equate to love. Love makes you feel all funny inside, and you can't stop smiling."

Ruth laughed gently. "You've been reading too many romance novels Rose." She said with a smile. "Love is something you learn. When your father and I married I barely knew him. I grew to love him as I got to know him. Ours was an arranged marriage too, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me."

"But what if it doesn't happen?" Rose demanded. "What if I get to America and hate it? And hate Cal?"

"Do you hate Cal?" Ruth asked slowly. It didn't matter now of course since all the arrangements had been made and the ship was set to sail the next day.

"No." Rose said slowly. "He treats me very well, and I can see he cares about me a great deal."

"Well then there is nothing to worry about." Ruth said, dismissing all her daughter's fears. "Everything is going to work out just fine- I promise."

"It's not fair." Rose muttered.

"I told you it's not fair, it never is. But if you don't marry Cal what's going to happen to us?" Ruth asked.

"The workhouse." Rose repeated as though she'd been conditioned for that response on many occasions, which in fact she had. 

"If I were young enough to marry then I would." Ruth said. "But I'm not. Cal's a nice man, a rich man, and we are going to live happily ever after with you marrying him."

Rose sighed and set her mouth. It seemed as though she had no choice. 

Ruth left the room, and rubbed at her throbbing head. It broke her heart to have to do this to her only daughter, but it was the only way. If Rose didn't marry Cal then soon enough everyone in London would know the secrets of the Dewitt Buckaters and they'd have nothing and nobody. No, this was for the best and she wasn't going to let Rose change her mind, nor ruin this for them. 


	2. One

[A/N. In regards to the reviewers thanks for reviewing. Anonymous: I am still divided on the idea of whether or not Ruth and Rose were from England or America. My first thought was England due to the fact that they had English accents, and then I thought it was America because of the fact that Cal was American and Rose said she was being taken back to America in chains. In the end I decided that for the purpose of my story they were English, but they must have spent some time in America at some stage. Snowy Ivy: I don't like Ruth myself and I certainly don't have any sympathy for her either. But I thought it would be interesting to write about what had happened after this for her.]

****

Ruth's Story.

"Last boat sir." One of the young seamen called as the passengers began to climb aboard the Carpathia. 

"Right." A youngish officer who was overseeing the process turned to another sailor near him. "Can you let Captain Rostron know?"

The sailor saluted and then hurried off. 

To Ruth, who had been on one of the first boats to be unloaded, everything was being done efficentiely, but not quickly enough. As soon as she'd stepped on board a stewardess had put an blanket around her shoulders and tried to coax her into the sitting room where the passengers were congregating-especially the female ones. To Molly, who was standing nearby watching, Ruth was divided. Her eyes had gone back to the boats bobbing below in the water.

"I'll check the sitting room darlin'." Molly had offered, and Ruth had smiled weakly at her, as she hurried off. Ruth had moved closer to where the passengers were being brought up. 

"Ruth?" A woman's voice had asked, and Ruth jumped. 

"Oh….Helen isn't it? Helen Bishop?" Ruth had asked, her eyes still on the boats below. 

"Why aren't you inside? It's freezing out here." Helen had asked, shivering herself. 

"I'm waiting…Rose." Ruth had said simply, and Helen had put her hand to her mouth. 

"You mean- she wasn't on your boat?" Helen had asked.

"No." Ruth had replied, and then Helen's husband had come up and taken her arm.

"Come on dear, we must get inside. Mrs. Dewitt Buckater, are you coming in?" Mr. Bishop had asked, but Ruth had shook her head. Until the last passenger was on the ship she was not leaving her spot. The two of them had gone inside and left her there. Molly had come out to report that there was no sign of Rose inside, and she must be in one of the boats coming. Molly'd tried to convince Rose to come inside where it was warm, but Ruth was firm in her resolve to wait. 

And now the last boat was being unloaded, and there was no sign of her daughter. 

"Last passenger sir." A sailor down below called up.

"Righto." The officer called back down and Ruth held her breath. She expected to see her daughter's bright red hair come up, followed by her gorgeous face, but instead it was an elderly man who was clearly shaken up by the experience as one of the sailors grasped his arm to stop him from falling.

"Have they checked the waters?" The officer asked one of the sailors who was standing near him.

"Yes sir, I was speaking to their third officer, Mr. Pittman and he assured me one of their officers had gone back to search for survivors once the ship was under." The sailor replied.

"One?" The officer repeated. "One boat?"

"From what I could gather sir, one only, yes." The sailor replied. 

The officer sighed and glanced around. While many of the passengers were inside a lot were still outside. Slowly though they were moving inside to the respective dinning rooms or sitting rooms. "I best go and speak to the Captain then. We shall probably have to return to New York instead of going on to Gibraltar." 

The two of them walked off, and Ruth clutched at the nearest solid thing she could find. Rose had not been saved. Her daughter was dead, and it was her fault. It seemed as though it were so long ago, but in reality it was not, when she'd had a conversation with Rose before one of their meals: 

__

Rose had complained about how things weren't fair, and Ruth had snapped at her "Do you want to see me working as a seamstress?" Rose had clamped her lips shut and said nothing. Ruth had felt terrible about putting so much on her daughter's shoulders, but Rose and Cal's marriage was the only thing which could save them from a life of poverty. 

But now, now there would be no marriage, and there wasn't even a daughter. Ruth felt herself grow light headed and then she slipped to the cold deck of the boat.

*****

"Come on Rose darlin', wake up." Molly was leaning over her and Ruth groaned. Of all the people, but Molly had proven herself to be a good person over the last few hours and Ruth no longer saw her as the annoying, "vulgar Brown woman."

"I fell." Rose said.

"You fainted." Molly corrected her. "One of the steerage men out there saw you fall and he tried to catch you but he didn't get there in time. He sent for the doctor and he ordered you be put in here."

"Where am I?" Ruth asked. "I mean, I know I'm on the Carpathia, but where?"

"The second officer's cabin for the moment. When you're feeling a bit better we'll go back to the dining room." Molly said. 

There was a knock on the door and a stewardess came in. "Can I get you anything?"

"Perhaps a glass of water for Mrs. Dewitt Buckater." Molly ordered. "And can you please make it quick?"

"Yes mam." The stewardess bobbed a curtsy and hurried off to fulfill the orders. 

"Rose is dead." Ruth said hollowly.

"We don't know that." Molly said. "Lie back down please Ruth, we don't want you to faint again."

"She wasn't in any boat- she's dead." Ruth said, tears falling down her cheeks. "And not only that- it was my fault."

"RUTH!" Molly snapped. "Don't say that."

"It was." Ruth said, and she turned her head away from Molly on the pillow, staring towards the small window through which dawn was beginning to break.

"Listen Ruth," Molly said, her voice firm. "I was there in the boat, I saw Rose refuse to get in, I saw you order her to get in, and I saw there was nothing you could do."

"But Cal went after her! Why didn't Cal get her in a boat?" Ruth asked. "Is he here? Did he make it?"

"I don't know." Molly admitted. "I haven't looked. Ruth, please, darlin' don't think this is your fault. Rose was a headstrong young woman, she did what she wanted to do, not what anyone else wanted her to do. For some reason she wasn't leaving that ship then-"

"You mean there hasn't been any gossip about it yet?" Ruth asked bitterly. In the past she'd been the person who had happily gossiped about other people's misfortune, scandals and pain. 

"Not that I know of. Now Ruth, the Doctor wants you to rest." Molly said.

The stewardess came back with the glass of water and was hastily dismissed by Molly. "Come on now darlin', have some of this water, it'll make you feel better."

"I don't want to feel better." Ruth whispered.

"Don't make me force it down your throat Ruth Dewitt Buckater." Molly said, her words harsh, but her tone gentle and caring. At that stage she had no idea of what had happened on the Titanic, and it would be a few days before society began to speak of Rose and her steerage lover. 

"Please, I don't want it." Ruth said. "I want to be alone."

"I don't think that was the doctor's orders Ruth." Molly said. "And he was a pretty formidable man. You know what English doctors are like."

"Only too well." Ruth replied. 

"Is she awake?" It was a man's voice in the doorway, one Ruth recognized straight away. She sat up.

"Mr. Hockley! Cal!" She cried. "I didn't know whether you lived or not."

"I got onto a collapsible boat." Cal replied. "Mrs. Brown, I don't suppose, could you give us some time alone?"

"Sure Cal, but don't let her move too much. Doctors orders are for her to rest." Molly said, and she bustled out of the room.

Cal sighed and walked over to one of the armchairs were he sat down heavily. "I've checked everywhere. She's not here." He said.

"I checked too, as did Molly." Ruth said slowly. "I can't believe it….she's dead." She wasn't going to let herself cry now though, not in front of the man who would one day have been her son-in-law. 

"I can't either." Cal said. "I can't believe she chose to die with him, to be with him, rather than me. Sure shows me how she felt about me, she must have really hated me."

"Oh Mr. Hockley-" Ruth began, but Cal interrupted to tell her to call him by his first name. "Okay Cal, she didn't hate you. She was a stubborn girl, and she wanted us to see that she was going to do whatever she wanted to do, regardless."

"But him?" Cal demanded angrily. "He was nothing but a gutter rat. What could he ever have given her? Could he ever have looked after her and supported her?"

"No." Ruth said, and she sighed again, thinking about Rose's comments only before they sailed, about what she thought love should be like: had she found that kind of love with this young man? "Do you know anything about him?"

"Not really. He wasn't listed on the passenger list so god knows how he got his ticket-"

"Probably stolen." Ruth commented scornfully.

"Probably. He showed he didn't mind stealing, taking my necklace, taking that jacket." Cal shook his head. "So Rose must have been into thieves then?"

"I resent that Mr. Hockley." Ruth said coldly. "My daughter was not brought up like that."

"I'm sorry Ruth." Cal hastened to say. "I'm only thinking out loud. I just don't know what happened. I know she was going looking for him, but there was no chance she'd have found her way down to the master's at arms, which is were he was locked up. And even if she did there was no way she would have been able to get him out of there. Lovejoy informed me he was locked up safely and he had the only key."

"Say she found him." Ruth said slowly. "Would she have stayed there with him? Would she have died with him?"

"If he were half a man, which I highly doubt, he wouldn't have let her stay. He would have told her to get up and on the deck, to get in a damn boat." Cal said. He ran a hand through his hair. "Whatever the case there's no sign of her, nor him."

"Jack Dawson." Ruth said, spitting the name out. 

"For what it's worth." Cal said, stretching his legs out.

Ruth looked out the window. The sun had begun to rise over the ocean and everything looked so peaceful and calm. It was almost hard to believe that the tragedy had occurred not long back. Just thinking about seeing the big ship slide into the ocean gave Ruth the chills. And now knowing her daughter had been on it with that boy made it seem a hundred times worse.

"You know Ruth, it's a pity Rose and I didn't get married. I would have enjoyed having you as a mother-in-law. I think we see things in the same way, we're on the same wavelength so to speak." Cal said with a sigh. "As it is father's not only going to be annoyed about Rose dying, but about the fact that when she died she took the "Heart of the Ocean" down with her."

"What are you talking about Cal?" Ruth asked slowly.

"The diamond necklace I got for her. I was going to give it to her at the engagement gala but-"

"The blue heart one?" Ruth asked. 

"You saw it?" Cal asked.

"Yes." Ruth said. "But what do you mean she took it down with her?"

"I forgot you don't know the events leading up to the whole thing. I caught up with Rose and she kept trying to get away from me, and then all of a sudden she spat in my face and raced off. I went to my room and put a bundle of money and the necklace in my jacket pocked. A little while later I saw her and him lining up to get on a boat, and I put the jacket on her to keep her warm. They wouldn't let men on the boat, and I forced her into the boat. Jack and I stood there and then suddenly she jumped from the boat back onto the ship. And then Jack raced off to get her, but I realised it was fruitless." Cal sighed. "I couldn't find them after that, and when the ship was about to go under I got off and onto the collapsible. I had no choice."

Ruth was silent. "No, you did the right thing." She said. "If you couldn't find her then it was not worth you both dying." 

"It's such a shame though. She really was a gorgeous girl." Cal said.

"Wait a minute- you saw Jack with her? Wasn't he locked up?" Ruth asked.

"Yes he was. Well I wonder how on earth he got out?" Cal looked confused. 

"So they didn't die in that little room then. They made a shot at it." Ruth said, and she leant back on the pillow. "Even though it doesn't change the outcome, it does make me feel a little better about the whole thing."

Cal got up and stretched. "I assume you'll be staying in New York for a bit before you decide what you're going to do?" He asked her. 

"Yes, I suppose so." Ruth said. It had suddenly dawned on her that without Rose the marriage wouldn't happen, and there was no money. The few fine things she'd managed to keep were back in England in storage, but how much would the sell for, how long would the money last her? A feeling of dread crept over her, akin to the one she'd felt once she'd found out Mathew had gambled away all their money, but worse. Worse, because this time she was all alone. 

"I'll try and find you and say goodbye before I get going back to Philly." Cal assured her. "Get some rest why don't you? It's been a long night?"

"Indeed it has." Ruth muttered as Cal walked out of the room, effectively farewelling and dismissing her. Now she really was truly alone. 

****


	3. Two

****

Ruth's story.

[A/N. Meg: I have debated the idea of Ruth and Rose meeting again, but if it does happen it won't be for awhile yet. For the moment Ruth is going to believe Rose dead, and feel the guilt her actions caused. However, like I said, I haven't totally ruled out the idea of them meeting again some time.]

****

"Ruth darlin'?" There was the sound of someone's voice and Ruth opened her eyes. As impossible as the idea had seemed to her she had actually fallen into an exhausted sleep.

"Molly, how long have I been asleep?" Ruth asked, sitting up.

"About ten hours." Molly replied.

"Ten? Good heavens." Ruth was shocked. "I best get up then- the poor officer will be wanting his cabin back. I suppose a lot of officers and crew have given their cabins up for people like me?"

"Not that I know of. Actually this particular officer was…well I kind of bribed him Ruth. I know his father so…." Molly trailed off, and Ruth smiled weakly. Wasn't that typical of Molly Brown?

"So we'll be docking in New York in a day or two. Apparently there is going to be some kind of inquiry into the whole thing-" Molly began, but Ruth interrupted as she got out of the bed. 

"As there should. I for one want answers." Ruth's voice was sharp and harsh.

"You won't be the only one there." Molly said with a strange look on her face, which disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. "I conned young Cotham- the wireless operator here- to send a message to Mr. Brown for me, and he's going to come to New York for a bit while the hearings going on. He'll arrange somewhere to stay, and we'd be glad for you to stay with us whilst the hearings going on. You know, moral support and all that?"

"Right, thanks Molly." Ruth said fixing her clothes in the mirror. "I'd like that."

The two women walked towards the first class dining room, Ruth wondering whether Molly had spoken to Cal, and whether she knew that at the moment Ruth's future was completely unclear? She was tempted to broach the subject, but even if she'd lost everything else the night before, she hadn't lost her dignity. She didn't want anyone to know how dire her situation was now- not yet. Although, she had to admit, her opinion of the woman had changed dramatically. Molly had been the only one in the boat wanting to go back for survivors after the disaster:

The young sailor in the boat had been horrified and he'd refused flatly. He'd told Molly to "shut that hole in your face." Molly had implored the women in the boat to back her up, trying to remind them that it was there menfolk out there in the cold waters, but nobody had spoken up. 

Now, Ruth wondered, whether she should have backed her up? Had the boat gone back would she have found Rose, would she have been able to save her? She sighed and took a deep breath before following Molly into the dining room. Now was not the time to think about Rose, and what had happened. There would be plenty of time for that later, probably more time than Ruth wanted. For now she had to act like the lady she had been brought up to be, dignified despite the crisis and pain. Strong, but not too strong, was what her own mother had told her years back when they were grieving for Ruth's brother who had died in a shooting accident on a country estate down south. 

Molly led the way to a spot in the corner of the room where they both sat down. Ruth had been sure she could feel people's eyes on her as she walked across the room, and she'd held her head high, although had been unable to bring herself to meet anyone's eyes. What they would say if and when Rose's actions with Jack became common knowledge she couldn't imagine, but if they found out about Ruth's own actions, then it would be a million times worse. Ruth had been forcing Rose into a marriage simply to save her own skin rather than because she thought her daughter and Cal would make a good match, and the gossips would love it. Well she'd have to meet those challenges if they arose; it was no point worrying about them, worrying would only give her ulcers.

"Ruth?" A man's voice asked and Ruth looked up slowly. 

"Major Peuchen." She said, her voice breaking slightly. "You made it."

"I did." He replied, and he lent down towards her. "Ruth, if there's anything you need you just let me know. I was shocked to hear of Mathew's death, he served in the army with me for a few years, and he was a good man."

"He was." Ruth agreed, but in her mind she added a bitter 'Apart from the gambling problem I never suspected that is!'

"And Rose, well she was a wonderful young woman, and it was such a tragedy."

"Yes." Ruth said, she couldn't allow herself to say anymore for the fear of crying. Whilst it was understandable for a mother to grieve for her child, it was also instilled in Ruth at an early age that there were standards to keep in public, and showing emotion was on the list of do not's. 

The major patted her shoulder and walked off. 

"I can't stand this." Ruth said in a low voice. "If every single first class passenger comes up to me to tell me how sorry they are-"

"Now Ruth," Molly said firmly. "Don't worry. I'm here, everything's going to be all right."

That was something Ruth doubted; in fact she was pretty sure nothing was going to be all right ever again, but she didn't voice these thoughts to Molly. Inside Ruth's mind there was a turmoil- part of her was angry with Rose for her disgusting display of affection for someone who was virtually a nothing, another part of her was of course upset about the loss of her daughters life (no matter how she had treated Rose, and what she had been forcing her to do, it didn't mean she wanted to see her daughter dead for god's sake!), and a third part of her was concerned about what she was going to do now she had practically nothing. With the marriage not eventuating, and Cal's dismissal of her earlier, Ruth knew she was going to have to make it on her own, completely on her own, something she had never been before. 

"Dinner is going to be served soon for first class passengers of the Titanic, and those here on the Carpathia." A passing steward was calling. 

Until then the Carpathia's passengers had kept pretty much out of the way of the survivors of the Titanic disaster on Captains orders. The captain had correctly guessed that without this order his passengers would be motivated by a somewhat morbid desire to see the survivors and hear what had happened. On a normal occasion an order like this would be met with dissent, but the more caring, and level-headed amongst passengers had understood and agreed. A curious few had ventured into the dining room only to be asked to leave by stewards or stewardesses. Ruth was sure it would be different in the lower class dining rooms- people like that wouldn't possess as much decorum, and perhaps those passengers who had survived from steerage would welcome their moment in the sun to tell of the tragedy?

"Hungry Ruth?" Molly asked. "I'm starvin', but then, that's not unusual for me. I've got, what you would politely call, a healthy appetite."

Ruth smiled weakly, a healthy appetite was probably not exactly how she would have described Molly's appetite. As a child Ruth had been taught men didn't like a woman who ate too much, something she had tried to teach Rose, before Mathew had intervened and said it was good to see someone enjoying their food, and a compliment to the cook. "I'm not really very hungry."

"Don't let the doctor hear you say that." Molly warned. "You've got to keep your strength up Ruth darlin'. I've got a feeling there are going to be some trying times ahead."

That, Ruth thought as a stewardess placed a meal in front of her, was an understatement. 

"We're only able to serve the main meal I'm afraid." The stewardess explained. "We weren't exactly prepared for a lot of extra passengers, but we'll be in New York tomorrow afternoon I believe."

"God there are going to be a lot of vultures awaiting our arrival I bet." Molly said as the stewardess moved away. "And a lot of worried relatives, although from what I heard they've been sending through lists of survivors on the wireless."

Ruth nodded and poked at her meal. 

Molly noticed this. "Ruth, you've got to try to eat- if it's only a little bit. You don't want to get sick."

Ruth sighed and took as many bites as she could but when she was finished there was still probably half a meal on her plate. 

As the stewards and stewardesses cleaned up after the meal Ruth surveyed the room. For the most part Titanic survivors and Carpathia passengers weren't mixing, although a few shared tables. It would more than likely be after the meal that the details got bandied about. "Do we sleep in here?" Ruth asked.

"Sure do." Molly said with a sigh. "We all spent last night in here, and we'll spend tonight in here too. I know it's not comfortable, but there isn't really much room left, unless you were wounded pretty bad, in which case you might have a bed. I heard our junior wireless operator, Harold Bride, made it, but he's not in the best of ways. Hurt his left foot pretty bad and can't walk."

This was the first Ruth had heard of any of the crew members, and the comment interested her enough to ask whether the captain had made it, and many of the crew.

"The captain went down with the ship." Molly said solemnly. "Not the best ending for a distinguished career like he's had, but I suppose he felt pretty guilty about it all. Last I heard around two hundred of the crew made it, some officers, some engineers, some stewards, some crewmen."

"How many people were saved in all?" Ruth asked.

"I don't know that you should be thinking about things like this-" Molly began, but Ruth interrupted her.

"How many Molly?" She demanded. 

"Well reports aren't completely clear yet, but they say about six to seven hundred." Molly said with a sigh.

"Out of over 2000 on board?" Ruth said. "Good god."

"You can say that again." Molly muttered. She snuggled into her chair. "There's not much to do now Ruth, unless you're a man and want to go into the smoking room, so I suggest you rest."

Ruth didn't bother to argue that she wasn't feeling like rest after having had a long sleep. Instead she tried to find the most comfortable position in her chair, and to her surprise later on; she fell asleep almost straight away. 

*****

Ruth sighed and sat up. The dining room was filled with the early morning light, and it couldn't have been more than six thirty in the morning, but none the less people were awake and talking. Perhaps some of them hadn't slept in the first place? She noticed one person in particular. Madeleine Astor, who was sitting quietly in a chair by herself. Nobody was near her, and she was looking pretty unwell. Ruth got up, fixing her clothes as she did, reminding herself that no matter what the cost, or how she managed it; she'd have to get more clothes in New York, and walked over to her. 

"Madeleine?" Ruth asked gently, touching the young girl on the shoulder.

Madeleine turned eyes up to Ruth, who was startled to notice they looked like they were empty. Clearly Jacob hadn't made it. "Are you all right? Have you been eating and drinking?" Ruth asked her.

Madeleine shook her head, to which question she was responding Ruth wasn't sure.

Ruth sat down next to her. The girl was only a young one, and to have seen what she'd seen must have effected her greatly. In fact she was around Rose's age. The only difference was that Madeleine was already married, and rumours had been flying about her expecting. Ruth remembered one conversation with the Countess about it on board the ship:

__

"It's the way she holds herself which gives it away, mark my words, the girl is expecting." The countess had said. _"Probably so tightly laced she can barely breathe." _

Ruth had glanced over at the Astors. Jacob had a hand around his young wife's waist, almost protectively, and it seemed to be that the young girl was standing so that her stomach was sucked in. 

"Poor girl." Ruth had replied. "Why would they be going to such troubles to hide it? After all it's not as though they're not married?"

"Probably because she's so young." The countess had replied. "Now see that woman over there?"

The conversation had moved on to other things and Ruth hadn't given the Astors another though- that was until then. After all, this could be Rose had circumstances been different.

"Madeleine you need to keep your strength up- for you and the baby." Ruth said in a low voice.

Madeleine's head jolted up. "How did you know?" She asked, nervously. 

"I just did." Ruth replied, not wanting to add that it was more than likely every woman in the room had an idea. "The thing is, Jacob wouldn't want to see you get sick now, not when you're carrying the most important gift he could have ever given you."

"A gift?" Madeleine mused. "I hadn't thought of it like that, but now that you say it….it is a gift isn't it? Oh I hope it's a boy, and then I can call him JJ the second and he'll look just like his father."

Ruth noticed that breakfast was beginning to be served. "Now you make sure you eat." Ruth instructed her firmly. "As a matter of fact, there's a spare seat over with the Bishops and Colonel Gracie, so let's get you settled over there." Seeing the young girl was about to protest Ruth continued, taking her hand firmly. "You need company at a time like this Madeleine."

Once she had Madeleine seated she went back to her own spot, and a smiling Molly. "Why Ruth sometimes you surprise me."

"Surprise you?" Ruth was surprised herself. 

"Lookin' after that poor young thing like that." Molly replied. 

"Oh. That." Ruth shrugged. "Well she was all alone."

Molly nodded, smiling slightly as though to say Ruth couldn't fool her. It was all because of Rose. 

"We get into New York at about two." A steward passing told them all. 

"Oh, thank god for that. I thought for awhile there I'd never get home." Molly said with a smile.

Ruth smiled too, but hers was probably a lot weaker. After all, she was still unclear about her future.


	4. Three

[A/N. I've been trying to work out how long I've had Ruth on the "Carpathia" for, but from memory in history it was a few days.]

****

Ruth's story.

The day passed with a combination of tedious conversations, reflections and pain. For the survivors of the "Titanic" disaster coming into New York could only bring bad memories of what they'd seen, what had happened, and worst of all, what they'd lost. 

Ruth had a few conversations with other survivors she knew, but for the most part she kept to herself. She just didn't feel like mixing with other people at the moment knowing they'd want to talk about Rose. Luckily nobody had mentioned what had happened to her yet, but Ruth was sure that someone would mention it eventually, and everyone would know what she'd done, how she'd embarrassed herself and society. Oh why hadn't she been able to stop her strong willed, stubborn daughter from doing it? It wasn't as if she hadn't told her to stay away from "that boy", but Rose had appeared blasé about it all. And then of course Rose embarrassed them even further by letting Jack draw that dreadful picture. Ruth would never forget Cal's face as he showed her the picture. It was a curious mixture of pain, rage, and unhappiness. Shaking her head Ruth tried to forget what had happened for now. Later, when she was alone, she could think about it more.

"Hey ya'll I can see New York. We're almost home." A steerage passenger, a man, stuck his head through the door to yell, and then he hurried off to alert other survivors. 

"Thank god for that." Molly said under her breath. "There was a time there when I wondered whether I'd get to see New York again or not."

Cal walked over to them then. He looked as though he hadn't slept much in the time between the Titanic's sinking and now. "I thought I'd take the opportunity to say goodbye." He explained. "I won't be staying in New York more than a day or two."

"A day or two? You mean you're not staying for the hearings?" Molly asked.

A strange look came over Cal's face, for a moment Ruth thought it was fear, but then dismissed it as something else. "No. Business calls you know. My father will want me home as soon as possible."

Molly was silent for a moment, and then muttered something about going out on deck to see New York. "I want to see the statue and know we're there."

Ruth glanced out the window. "It's raining Molly."

"I don't mind a bit of rain. Hell, after what I've been through I don't think I'm going to mind anything anymore. See you round Cal." She said.

"Molly." Cal replied as she walked off. 

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two people who had been united by one person. 

"Well will you be staying in America or going back to England?" Cal asked.

"I don't know." Ruth answered slowly. Nathan Hockley had known they were broke, but she didn't know whether he had told Cal or not.

"Well whatever you do I hope you can find some happiness in your life. We've lost Rose, but we've still got life." Cal said, not meeting her eyes. "And most importantly, I don't know about you, but I'm not going to feel guilty about what happened to Rose. I did, but I can't keep going on like that. How can I live with that pain? After all what Rose did was her choice, not ours."

"Indeed." Ruth agreed slowly. Somehow, even though his words were firm, she didn't believe he was being one hundred percent honest. More than likely visions of Rose would haunt his dreams, as she was sure they would hers. 

"It's a pity." Cal said with a sigh. "We would have gotten along so well. I guess I better go I've got something I want to do before we dock. Goodbye Ruth."

"Goodbye." Ruth replied, her voice soft. As he walked off she sank back into her chair. Even though she'd known it was going to happen, his leaving only struck home even more: she was almost broke and she was alone. Tears pricked at her eyes. The docking here was going to be a lot different to the boarding in Southampton. Ruth remembered only too well Rose's cool words as they'd first got out of the car and seen the big ship:

__

Rose had looked up at the ship from underneath her hat. "I don't see what all the fuss is about." She'd said. "It doesn't look any bigger than the Mauritania." 

Cal had laughed briefly and he explained to Rose why it was bigger as Ruth tuned out looking at the ship herself. A shiver went down her spine, she'd never been a big fan of water and boats. 

Cal had turned to her. "Your daughter is far too hard to impress Ruth." He'd said.

Ruth had smiled slightly. "So this is the ship they say is unsinkable?" She'd asked, hoping that the slight tremor in her voice wasn't obvious to anyone else. Mathew had told her long ago her fear of water and boats was irrational, but since her Uncle had died in the British Navy when she was only a child she still feared the same fate as he'd had. However this was different, she knew that. Everyone said the "Titanic" was like a floating hotel and it was so big nothing could sink it. 

Cal had repeated these sentiments now. "It is unsinkable. God himself could not sink this ship."

Unsinkable was it? Ruth wished she'd listened to her "irrational fears" and never let herself and Rose get on that ship. With a daughter as pretty as Rose she would have been sure to find a rich husband over in England and they wouldn't have had to leave the country. Ruth took a deep breath. She was a strong woman, and she wasn't going to just lay down and die. No, she was going to survive. 

*****

As the Carpathia pulled into the harbor Ruth, who had moved up on deck once the brief shower had passed, noticed someone standing near her. Mr. Ismay, the managing director of White Star Line. She was surprised to see him there as up until now she hadn't caught sight of him, and she didn't think he had survived. There was a strange look on his face and he muttered something which sounded like "I believe you're going to get your headlines Mr. Ismay." 

One of the Titanic's officers, Ruth thought it could perhaps have been Mr. Lowe, came to stand near Mr. Ismay. Mr. Ismay didn't turn, but he knew he was there as he said "We've got to go through some bloody hearing before we can get back to England. Bloody Americans." 

Mr. Lowe was silent for a moment before replying "Well I can't say I blame them, we'd have done the same thing if it happened at our end." 

"They're going to crucify us." Mr. Ismay replied, and now he turned to look at the sailor. "Mark my words Mr. Lowe, this so-called hearing is not going to be a pleasant experience at all."

"RUTH!" Molly called as she noticed her. "Come on and stand over here."

Ruth walked over to where Molly was standing. Even from there it was obvious to see the large crowd around the docks. "Good god." Ruth muttered. "We've got to get through _that_?"

"Don't worry Ruth darlin, we don't have to. I was speaking to one of the officers before and he said the police are going to clear a way for us to get through." Molly replied. 

Nearby a steerage passenger had made their way up to the deck and they were leaning over the rails waving madly, even though nobody in the crowd on the docks would be able to make out faces from that distance. "Hello New York." He yelled. 

Ruth rolled her eyes. If Jack had survived, would he be the sort to do something stupid like that? Whatever was Rose thinking?

"Excuse me sir, but you're not allowed up on this deck." A steward from the Carpathia said, touching the man on the back.

"We've just been through a damn tragedy, lost so many of our friends and family, and you're still going to insist on class restrictions? Talk about pathetic man." The steerage man snapped, but he left the deck anyway. 

"Home sweet home." Molly muttered.

Ruth sighed. She didn't have a home anymore, let alone a family. But wasn't it partly her own fault? No, she shook her head. She hadn't made Rose jump back onto the sinking ship, she'd tried to discourage her from seeing Jack, knowing it wouldn't lead to anything good, but Rose hadn't listened, hadn't cared. And where had it left her?

*****

"Molly." A tall, dark haired man called, and he rushed to hug her. "Thank god Molly."

For the first time ever Ruth saw Molly Brown was at a loss for words as she was folded into her husbands arms. Ruth walked away a bit, watching as all over there were scenes of both reunion and joy, and loss and pain. She saw John Astor's father, who was certainly getting on in years now, comforting Madeleine. "Come on dear child." He said, and he led her away. Ruth sighed as she watched and hoped that the girl was all right, especially with a child on the way. 

"Alexander, this is Ruth Dewitt Buckater." Molly said, as she tugged on Ruth's arm. 

"Mathew's widow yes?" Alexander replied. "I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you from when you and Mathew were just married and were over here for a few years?"

Ruth looked at him trying to remember, but then shook her head. "Sorry, I don't remember you, but it was quite awhile ago."

"Yes, I think you were expecting your child just after you were due back in England?" Alexander said nodding slowly. "I heard of Mathew's death through business friends, and I have to tell you it was a pity. He was a wonderful man." 

Ruth nodded too, but didn't speak. Sometimes it amazed her how small the world seemed. People who lived in America still knowing of, and respecting, her husband. Whilst the Dewitt Buckater name was well known and respected in England, it had shocked her to hear it was also the same over in America even though Mathew hadn't been as much into the business as his father. 

"Shall we get moving?" Alexander asked. "I've reserved us both rooms at the Waldorf-Asteria, which is quite convenient since I believe that's where the hearings are being held."

They began to move out of the crowd, which was also slowly dispensing. Ruth was trying to think of how to explain to the Brown's that she couldn't afford to stay in the Waldorf, why she'd be lucky to be able to afford to stay in a one-star hotel! 

"Now Ruth, I know you probably don't have all your cash at your disposal, but you'll be getting money from White Star line soon enough I'm sure, so don't feel as though you've got to pay me for the room right away. You've been through a great tragedy, a great loss, and you need to rest and not worry about things like this." Mr. Brown said. 

Ruth was shocked. "I couldn't." She protested, but Molly waved her hand at her. 

"Listen Ruth darlin', it's not every day he offers something like that so I say take it!" Molly said, but it was obvious from her voice that she was very fond of her husband. 

*****

At the Waldorf Molly and Mr. Brown went to their room to freshen up, and Ruth to hers. As she walked into the room Ruth raised an eyebrow. The room was exactly the type of accommodation she'd been used to her whole life, but now it seemed as though it was something she'd never be able to afford again. She sighed and walked over to the window and looked out over New York. Even though it had been almost seventeen years since she and Mathew had spent some time over there it still looked the same, but Ruth longed to be back in England where she'd feel calm and relaxed. She went over and lay down on the big, soft bed and started to think. She still had assets back in England, but it wasn't enough to buy a nice house and live happily ever after. If she _did_ get money from White Star Line hopefully that would be enough to pay back the Brown's and perhaps even get her started towards getting back home. Then she'd have to go and see the lawyers and bankers and work out how much she actually did have, and whether it was enough to even get a small apartment in London, or even a cottage out in the middle of the country. As long as there was a roof over her head then she could work out how to survive. She sighed again, and rolled over onto her side. The Brown's were going to come and collect her for dinner when they'd freshened up but Ruth thought they might be awhile. They hadn't seen each other since Molly had been in France for the last few months, and they had a lot of catching up to do. Before Ruth knew it she fell into a dreamless sleep.

*****

"Ruth darlin?" There was banging at the door and Ruth sat up. In the dim light coming in from the window it took her a moment to realise where she was, and indeed what had happened. 

"Come in Molly." Ruth called as she got up. "I fell asleep."

Molly came in and turned on the light. "We're just going to have dinner downstairs since you and I are probably not in the mood for going out or something." She explained. "But tomorrow, we're going to have to go shopping." 

"Shopping?" Ruth repeated.

"Well do you think we can spend our entire time here in New York in the same clothes?" Molly demanded. "I can get some from up at home, but you can't."

"I can't." Ruth repeated, and then she nodded. "Molly, I can't go shopping."

"Well whyever not? We're women Ruth, there are some things we were born to do and one of them is shop and spend money." Molly explained. 

"I can't." Ruth repeated for the third time. "It's not so simple Molly."

"Simple?" Molly said slowly, and then she took in the look on Ruth's face and in her eyes. "Ruth, what's wrong?"

"I can't go shopping because I'm broke- well practically broke."

Molly's eyes widened in shock, and Ruth hurried to finish off what she was saying before she lost her nerves.

"Mathew may have left us a good name, but it turned out he was into gambling, and we've got nothing but our name and a lot of debts. I had to sell the house and a lot of our things. I've still got some back at home, but not much. I'm broke." Ruth explained almost in a burst. 


	5. Four

[A/N. Any comments taken from the Titanic hearings from either the senate committee, or the witnesses, are true and are from the record of the hearings. As you may, or may not know, the hearings themselves went for sixteen days, and when the report came out later it was concluded that they could recommend no prosecutorial action because shipping and shipping safety laws were so lax that no-one could be found culpable. Nonetheless the report, and the hearings transcripts, make interesting reading and provide key insights into the disaster itself. Of course I am not going to mention every single witness and what they had to say since that would bore most people, and it's not really got a great deal to do with this story, Ruth's story other than the parts which were of particular importance in the report. Cheers.]

****

Ruth's story.

"Are you ready? We want to make sure we get good seats. Do you need to borrow some gloves?" Molly asked in a burst of energy, as she entered Ruth's hotel room in what Ruth thought, was like a hurricane. 

"I'm ready, and no I don't think I need gloves thank you." Ruth replied, with a slight smile. The day before she and Molly had gone shopping; something which Ruth had been dreading, especially after her dramatic admission to Molly about being virtually broke. But Molly, being Molly, just shrugged it off: 

"_Nothin' to be ashamed of Ruth darlin'." She'd said. "We used to have no money, we're new money as you know, so I know what it's like."_

"Nonetheless I'd appreciate your discretion in keeping this under wraps for the time being." Ruth had said.

"Discretion? That's my middle name." Molly had laughed. 

When Ruth had raised an eyebrow in silent disagreement Molly'd laughed. "Well it will be in this case Ruth. I know what these people are like- they're all vultures, and the last thing you need now is them picking your bones. We'll work something out."

And work something out they had, Ruth thought, glancing down at one of the new dresses Molly had bought her the day before. She only hoped the woman kept her promise, but something in Molly's voice and eyes had told her that her secret was safe.

Ruth walked down to the room where the hearing was being held, with Molly and Mr. Brown beside her. To her surprise there were already quite a few people there waiting patiently. She observed John Astor's elderly father sitting grimly in the front row. "Molly can you save me a seat? I'll be right there." 

Molly nodded and Ruth walked over to Mr. Astor. "Mr. Astor, I'm not sure you know me, my names Ruth Dewitt Buckater-"

"Mathew's widow." Mr. Astor interrupted with a nod. "I did business with your late husband on occasions. A good man he was."

"That he was." Ruth agreed. "I was wondering- how is Madeline coping?"

Mr. Astor frowned. "She's not taking it well I'm afraid. She's in bed and hasn't moved in days. We're trying to tell her to be strong for the sake of the baby, but it's almost as if she lost her will to live." 

Ruth sighed. "I was worried something like that might happen. I practically forced her to eat on board the Carpathia, telling her she needed to for her unborn child, but had I not watched her she would most likely have not eaten." 

"She did mention you, you know." Mr. Astor said. "She said you were very kind to her."

Ruth looked shocked. "Kind? I only did what any other normal woman would have done in my position. And I don't think I'd say I was kind, I was pretty harsh with her." 

Mr. Astor sighed. "Sometimes being harsh _is_ being kind." He said slowly. "Maybe, do you think you could possibly spare the time to come and see her? Perhaps, I mean it's a long shot, but perhaps if you were to try and convince her to eat again, like you did aboard the ship?"

"It's not an inconvenience at all." Ruth said. 

Mr. Astor looked relieved. "You're a good woman Ruth, as good as Mathew was."

Ruth felt her heart skip a beat. In the back of her mind a voice reminded her that she was nothing like Mathew, not a good woman at all, after all hadn't it been her fault Rose had died? But she muttered to Mr. Astor that any time would be fine, and hurried to take her seat beside Molly and Mr. Brown.

"Mr. Brown was just telling me that today might be rather boring." Molly said to Ruth as she sat beside them and smoothed her skirt. "The witnesses are Mr. Ismay- which could be slightly interesting-, Captain Rostron, the Carpathia's captain, Mr. Lightoller, young Cottam from the wireless room on the Carpathia, and someone named Crawford, a first class steward." 

"I'll be interested in hearing what Mr. Ismay's got to say for himself." Ruth commented. With her breakfast that morning she'd also had a copy of the Times to read, and she'd read with interest the rumor that Ismay had demanded that the Captain go faster, and that the maiden voyage of Titanic _must_ make headlines. According to the paper there were witnesses to this comment.

"It could be interesting, but politically Ismay's got his backside covered by the English." Mr. Brown said, but before Ruth could pursue this any further the Senate Committee and more spectators began to file in. "That white haired man there, that's Senator William Alden Smith, the one who demanded this committee. He's from Michigan, a Republican." Mr. Brown continued as he pointed out the man to the two women.

After everyone had taken their seats and there was silence in the chandeliered East Room where the hearing was being held Senator Smith got to his feet and called the hearing to order. He then announced that the first witness was to be "Mr. J. Bruce Ismay, 49 years of age, Managing director of the White Star Line and first class passenger, from Liverpool, England."

Mr. Ismay walked over and took his seat looking distinctly uncomfortable about the whole process. Ruth remembered his comments as the Carpathia was pulling into New York only two days before: "They're going to crucify us. Mark my words Mr. Lowe, this so-called hearing is not going to be a pleasant experience at all." And then she remembered what Mr. Brown had said before, that Mr. Ismay wasn't going to get into trouble because the English had his back covered. 

Ruth bit her lip as Mr. Ismay commented that before he gave any testimony he would like to express his sincere grief at the tragedy, and that they welcomed this enquiry as it differed from what he'd said on the ship. For the most part the testimony Mr. Ismay gave was boring, and slightly vauge as he answered questions with comments like "More than that I do not know." It was clear that the committee were beginning to get annoyed with his indefinite answers. It was only when Senator Smith asked about Mr. Ismay's departure from the ship that people around Ruth sat up slightly in their seats. Mr. Ismay appeared not to understand the question, and the senator repeated it. "What were the circumstances of your departure from the ship? I merely ask that-" 

Mr. Ismay interrupted him. "The boat was there. There were a certain number of men in the boat, and the officer called out asking if there were any more women, and there was no response, and there were no passengers left on the deck."

"There were no passengers on the deck?" Senator Smith asked.

"No, sir, and as the boat was in the act of being lowered away, I got into it."

"Codswallop." Someone behind Ruth muttered, and she turned around to see who had spoken, but she couldn't tell. Was Mr. Ismay lying then? He'd refused to admit he had encouraged the captain to speed up so they could get into New York earlier than expected, so it was conceivable he was lying, despite his comment about giving the fullest cooperation. 

Eventually Mr. Ismay was excused and he hurried to the side of a tall man who had been watching the hearing with utmost interest. They conferred for a moment and then hurried from the room. 

"Interesting." Mr. Brown said. "He didn't seem to happy to cooperate did he? All that I shouldn't like to say, and more than that I do not know."

Ruth sighed and shifted in her seat. It was uncomfortable and she felt as though she had been sitting there for hours on end already. Maybe her determination to come to the hearings was not the best idea?

"How are you holding up Ruth darlin'?" Molly asked, leaning closer to her.

Ruth gave her a weak smile. "So far so good." She said slowly. 

"The next witness is Captain Arthur Henry Rostron, Captain of the Cunard liner Carpathia, the only ship to come to the aid of the Titanic survivors." Senator Smith announced, and again Ruth tuned out as the questioning began along the lines of what he had ordered once they had picked up the Titanic's distress call. Thinking back to that night, even though it was already quite a few nights in the past, Ruth thought about Rose. She wished she knew what had happened to her. Even though it would more than likely be painful and distressing at least it would provide her with some answers, and perhaps it would stop the haunting images of Rose floating accusingly in and out of her dreams. 

*****

Ruth sighed and picked listlessly at her dinner. It hadn't been until after they'd left the hearings that she realised how much they had taken out of her. She thought about Officer Lightoller's comments- as the Titanic had been sinking he claimed that it had all been orderly and there had been no pushing and shoving. Did that mean Rose had just stood there and said or done nothing? That was not like Rose, not like the Rose she knew anyway, which she reflected, was not probably the real Rose anyway.

"You all right Ruth?" Molly asked. "You've stopped eating."

"I don't think I'm as hungry as I thought I was." Ruth said.

"Maybe you should skip the hearing tomorrow?" Suggested Mr. Brown, but Ruth shook her head adamantly.

"I can't. Not with…not with Rose having died there." Ruth said. 

Molly nodded slowly. There was a strange look on her face, and Ruth wondered whether people were beginning to talk about Rose and her conduct with that steerage man.

Ruth pushed her plate away. "Anyway, I've got business over at the Astor's New York residence."

"JJ's residence?" Mr. Brown looked confused. "I saw you talking to his father."

Ruth nodded. "He's worried about John's widow, young Madeline, she's expecting, and taking this pretty hard. He thought because I convinced her to eat on the Carpathia that maybe I could convince her again."

Molly looked impressed. "Well that's mighty impressive of you Ruth, in the middle of such tragedy yourself too."

Ruth stood up and fixed her clothes. She debated telling Molly about the real reason for agreeing, but then decided against it. If there were gossip about Rose already then this would only fuel it. "I shall see you both in the morning for the hearing." Ruth said firmly.

*****

"Thank you for coming Mrs. Dewitt Buckater." Mr. Astor said when Ruth was shown into his study. "I appreciate it."

"I haven't done anything yet." Ruth cautioned. 

"True." Mr. Astor said as he lit his pipe. "But I'm sure you must be able to get through to Madeleine. After all, don't you have a daughter who's practically the same age?"

Ruth felt her heart skip a beat. Surely Mr. Astor must know who had survived and who not. He would have looked at lists considering there were bound to be people on the ship he associated with, either through business or socially. "My daughter died on the Titanic Mr. Astor." Ruth said, her voice as clear and strong as she could make it. She wasn't about to show weakness in front of one of the countries richest and most prominent men.

"Good god, I didn't realise. I'm sorry for your loss." Mr. Astor said.

"As I am for yours." Ruth replied dutifully. "Now, where is Madeleine?"

"I shall get Lisa to show you up there." Mr. Astor said and he summoned one of his maids, who lead Ruth up the staircase and to the room where Madeleine was occupying. Ruth took a deep breath before going in there. She'd let Rose die, but she couldn't let someone else so young die. Perhaps saving Madeleine was slightly redeeming herself for losing Rose?


	6. Authors note

Authors Note:  
  
Don't think I've abandoned this story, but I've just had my last exam for the semester, but for the next week or so I'm doing a winter intensive course, which is 9-5 of classes. It's pretty full on and I've got to do all my readings for it as well as getting up at sixish to get there in time. After that I've got a few weeks of Uni holidays, so things should be less hectic then.  
  
I've still got some ideas worked out for this story however before Ruth can get on with her life she's got to go through the drama and pain of the senate committee's hearings, and sometime, somewhere, she and Rose are eventually going to come face to face, but not before Ruth has suffered dreadfully... 


	7. Five

[A/N. I just thought I should let you know that I am not going to go through every single day of the hearings otherwise things would begin to get a bit tedious. I am including it in this chapter for a reason. Also there is the fact that Ruth is not going to remain in New York much longer.…….]

****

"Ruth's story."

Ruth entered her hotel room later that night tiredly. 

She had spent almost three hours with Madeline who had spent that entire time crying about how she was now a widow at her young age and how she was going to have to bring up a child all alone. At first Ruth had been sympathetic, assuring her that she would have help from the Astors and her friends, but as the night dragged on Ruth began to get annoyed. Why was this woman bemoaning her life when so many people had died? And in the end Ruth had snapped at her "If you want to be miserable nothing I, or anyone else says, is going to stop you, but before you continue on like this think about things. Think about me for example- my daughter died on that godforsaken ship, I have no family apart from an estranged brother back in England, and even worse, I have no money. I don't have the support you'd have, but I'm not sitting and crying am I? I am making the best of a bad situation!" Madeline had stopped crying, purely out of shock, and Ruth had rubbed at her forehead. It wasn't like her to lose control like that. Madeline had bitten her lip. "I know there are people who have fared far worse than I have." She admitted. "I shouldn't be so selfish." "It's all right dear," Ruth had assured her, hoping to make up for her outburst. "Just think about the baby and its health as well as your own. You have people who love and care for you very much."

Ruth sighed and fell onto the nice soft bed yawning. She felt as though she didn't even have the strength to undress. Madeline had reminded her of Rose and what she'd lost. If only she'd been able to get through to Rose, to explain that there were just some things people in their position didn't do, no matter how much they wanted to. 

Tears began to fall down Ruth's cheeks. She'd only cried on a few brief occasions since the night the Titanic had gone down, but now she was beginning to realise, especially after the hearings, the enormity of the situation. Her daughter, the only relative she had left was dead. She had no money, no home, nothing. How was she meant to continue?

*****

Ruth felt it the moment she walked into the hotel's dining room the next morning- people were talking about her, and more importantly, Rose. She held her head high and took her seat with the Brown's. Mr. Brown was immersed in the morning's papers, but Molly wasn't. "Vultures, I tell you." She said loudly. "Nothin' to do but feed off other people's pain."

Ruth picked up the pot and poured herself a coffee, noticing as she did so that there was a slight tremor in her hands. "Rose?" She asked simply, and Molly nodded.

"I suppose it was all going to come out eventually." Ruth said. "What are they saying?"

"Just that she chose a steerage man over Cal, and that he was a criminal." Molly said. "But they're suggesting that she chose to die with him, then to live with y'all." 

Ruth felt as though she'd been slapped. "Good heavens, don't they realise Rose was a strong willed young woman who would do what _she_ wanted, not what _I_ wanted? Do they think I would have just let her carry on with that filth and say nothing?"

Molly shrugged. "I don't know what they think because I haven't asked them. Don't worry though, it will all settle down in a few days." She assured her friend.

Ruth sighed. "I don't care about that, it's just terrible to think that these people are sitting in here, enjoying a nice meal, and gossiping about someone who is dead. It's just not right."

"I agree with you Ruth darlin', and if anyone asks me I'll tell them damn straight I will." Molly said fiercely. 

Mr. Brown poked his head out from the paper now. "Sorry to interrupt you girls, but are you coming to the hearing today Mrs. Dewitt Buckater?" He asked. 

"Indeed I am." Ruth said, sitting up straighter in her seat. "Ultimately they are responsible for my daughter's death, no matter what other people may chose to believe, and I demand to see justice."

Mr. Brown looked confused about Ruth's statement, but Molly smiled widely. "Yes…well…" Mr. Brown muttered. "It might not be a very important day- there's only one witness listed here…Harold Bride, the Titanic's junior wireless operator."

"Nonetheless I will be there." Ruth assured him.

*****

"Ruth?" Someone called as Ruth and the Browns were entering the room where the hearings were to be held. "Ruth, is that you?"

Ruth stopped and turned around, and then wished she hadn't. "Mrs. White, how are you?" she asked cordially, but inwardly she was groaning. Mrs. J. White was perhaps the biggest gossip of all the people Ruth knew, and more than likely she was one of the ones who was talking about Rose.

Mrs. White nodded. "I'm fine Ruth, but how about you? I mean it would have been enough to lose Rose on that dratted ship, but knowing the circumstances behind it, well that would make it ten times worse wouldn't it?"

Ruth bit her lip. "I don't know about that Mrs. White. Whichever way I look at it my daughter is not coming back, and that's bad enough." She said.

"Well you're coping well. If it were me in your place I would be so ashamed, I probably wouldn't even come out of my room. If people were talking about my daughter running around with a steerage man, and refusing to get in a lifeboat because she'd rather be with him than with us…..well I don't know what I'd do." Mrs. White said, shaking her head in disgust.

Ruth bit her lip harder. 'Don't do anything you'll regret Ruth, you knew this was all going to come out in the wash eventually, and you knew you were going to have to deal with it. Show your class.' She mentally implored herself.

"Mrs. White." Molly's voice broke into Ruth's thoughts. "Fancy seein' you here, thought it would be a nice show to see people suffering and all did you?"

Mrs. White pulled herself up, and managed to look affronted. "No." She insisted. "As a matter of fact I am a witness on day eleven."

"You are?" Molly asked raising an eyebrow. "And you're going to talk about who wore what when they drowned are you?"

Mrs. White glared at her. "For all your new money your still as common as muck." She spat. "Clearly money can't buy good breeding."

"And clearly it can't buy a heart." Molly replied, not at all fussed about what the other woman had said. "Come on Ruth darlin', let's go take our seats."

So, somewhat meekly, Ruth followed Molly to their seats. "As much as I love to gossip- and don't get me wrong Ruth, I love it- I refuse to gossip about people's misfortunes." Molly told her as they took their seats.

*****

As Mr. Brown had said the only witness that day was young Harold Bride, the junior wireless operator on the Titanic. Unfortunately the senior operator, Mr. Phillips, had not survived. His testimony centered on the fact that Mr. Phillips had believed that another ship, the "Frankfurt", had been closer than the Carpathia had been to the Titanic. He also talked about finding himself in the water and scrambling on to the overturned lifeboat which Mr. Lightoller was on. He did get a reaction, however, when he described the last moments of the Captain, who had dived off the bridge as the ship was beginning her final descent. Ruth blinked back tears as she heard this- Captain Smith had seemed such a lovely man, and it made her think about Rose suffering the same fate.

"Mrs. Dewitt Buckater?" One of the clerks called as Ruth and the Brown's entered the hotel lobby after the hearing was over for the day. "There's a letter here for you."

Ruth took the letter in surprise and opened it as the elevator took them up to their rooms.

Dearest Ruth, __

Firstly I must apoligise for not writing you sooner, nor keeping in touch with you. It was petty of me to refuse to speak to you simply because of your marriage and I regret it immensely now. I hope you are still the same person you always were and you will accept my apology with the good grace it was intended.

However the point of this letter was to offer my condolences. I only just heard about Mathew's passing, and I got my lawyer to look into things whereupon I found that both you and Rose had sailed for America aboard the "Titanic." My lawyer also noted that Mathew's death left you with nothing but bad debts and it was assumed that the reason young Rose was marrying into the Hockley family was purely because of the money. If that is wrong please forgive me, however it did seem the only logical conclusion to come to. Not long after hearing about Mathew's death I heard about the disaster with the Titanic. I immediately went up to London to find out as much as I could. It was with relief that I saw your name on the list of survivors, but Rose's name was nowhere to be seen and when the final lists came out she was still not on it. 

I can't imagine how you are feeling now Ruth, having lost your husband and your daughter in such a short amount of time. Should you wish to return to England let me know and I will happily pay your return fare. I have discussed things with both your lawyer and my lawyer, and with the small amount of things you were left there is a bit of money there for you to live off, but I am afraid it's not nearly enough for you to live out the rest of your life in the comfort you were used to. That's where I come in Ruth. I will understand if you are too proud to accept my help after having not spoken to me for almost twenty years, but I will help you should you ask for it.

My deepest sympathy,

Your brother, 

Albert Dewitt Buckater.

Ruth didn't know what to think when she finished reading the letter- it was a surprise to suddenly hear from Albert out of the blue. But the question was, did she allow him to help her get back to England? Or did she stay in New York broke?


End file.
